Owen

Owen’s 1st Haircut

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Someday I imagine Owen twisting his head away from me, pleading me to stop running my fingers through his hair. But he can’t talk yet. And he doesn’t twist yet. And I love his hair. (Even when sticky with cereal bar in it.) It’s thick. And shiny. And there’s now enough of it that if you put him to bed too soon after a bath, he wakes up with parts of it sticking up and out and away. I realize that, to strangers, this simply looks like bad parenting. (Doesn’t that mother own a brush?) But I find it terribly endearing.

People started saying, “Have you cut his hair?” “His hair is so long!” “He needs a haircut.” (Andy, especially.) I ignored them. In part, because I loved his hair the way that it was. Shorter meant less material to run my fingers through. But also, in part, because it took so long for Sophie to grow her hair. I wasn’t used to a baby of mine needing a haircut so early, so young (and yet, he’s 1!).

Nicholena, who cuts my hair—and Sophie’s hair—carefully trimmed Owen’s shiny hairs as he sat on Andy’s lap. I took one-handed pictures, while trying to calm a tearful James in my other arm and convince Sophie that she didn’t have to go potty just yet (it was a different experience from Sophie’s first haircut).

He was so good. And when finished, he looked so much … older. More little boy. Less baby. But he’s not twisting away. Yet.

“Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.” —P. G. Wodehouse

Utopia

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“I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.” —T.S. Eliot

Now That We’re 1 …

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Mom decided we could paint! While we sat in our highchairs Mom and Sophie rolled our painters’ paper and taped it to the floor. For the bigger rooms in the house, Mom said Millcreek Painters Edmonton could take care of the painting while we stuck to our little masterpieces on the floor.

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After we scribbled for about two seconds (on the paper and ourselves), we decided to suck on the paint.

And then, we decided to crawl.

At this point there are no pictures because Mom lost total control of the situation. Luckily, it was a Sunday and Dad was home, working on the fence. So she yelled for help. Really loudly.

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Seriously, Mom, what did you think was going to happen?

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the aftermath

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the art

“Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.” —Henry Ward Beecher

Becoming 1-Year-Olds

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James, May 19, 2010*

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James, May 19, 2011

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Owen, May 19, 2010*

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Owen, May 19, 2011

*These are the only pictures I have of my beautiful boys on the day they were born—I never saw them in the delivery room. They were whisked away to the NICU too quickly. After delivery I was wheeled down to the NICU where I was able to hold them close, for just a few moments—my mom took these pictures. Shortly thereafter I was dealing with postpartum hemorrhage and was confined to a hospital room, in another wing of the hospital. How far we have come.

“You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.” —Irish saying

Playing Guitar

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“Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words.” —Robert G. Ingersoll

Note to Self: Respond Sooner

When Sophie feels the boys are doing something she perceives to be terribly wrong she begins screaming “No, Owen! No, James! No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!” When that doesn’t work, she finds me. The conversation typically goes something like this:

Sophie: “Mommy! Mommy! Mom! MOM! MOOMMM!”

Me: “What, Sophie?”

Sophie: “Come quick! Owen is doing something he shouldn’t!”

Me: “What is he doing?”

Sophie: “He’s touching the couch.”

Me: “Owen is allowed to touch the couch.”

Sophie: “Oh.” (And then, to Owen): “You can touch the couch, Owen. Mommy said it’s OK.”

Typically she’s on the verge of hysteria throughout such an exchange—which is why today’s, shall we say, mishap, surprised me.

Everyone was upstairs. I knew Owen and James were either in their bedroom or the playroom. I was in my bedroom, dressing. Sophie casually walked in.

Sophie: “Mom, come look at Owen.”

No screaming. No hysteria. In fact, no sense of urgency at all. So, my response:

Me: “Hold on, Soph.”

Sophie stood there, patiently, while I sniffed my jeans to see if they smelled too much like stale breast milk and contemplated how wrinkled was too wrinkled when it came to my sweater. About a minute passed, though, and she got (only slightly) impatient.

Sophie: “But Mommy, it’s really funny!”

I froze. I’ve been a mom long enough to know that “really funny” = not good.

I ran to the boys’ bedroom. James was playing with a puzzle. No Owen.

I turned around to look into the playroom. And there Owen stood, at the craft table, brown marker covering his entire face. I started to yell “No!” when I noticed something strange. It wasn’t just marker on his face—it was marker dripping off of his face.

At first I was confused. Did he get into paint? But then I saw his jaws move, his tongue working itself around the inside of his mouth. He was eating something.

Most kids color themselves. Most kids chew on markers. My kid, apparently, bites off the tip of the marker and tries to eat it.

I so wish I had a picture of this. But I don’t. I went into auto-mom-fix-it mode. I extracted the tip of the marker from his totally brown mouth. I cleaned him up, as best I could. I was thankful the marker was washable. I wondered just how “non-toxic” non-toxic really is.

And while doing all of this, Sophie, who usually flips out when the boys so much as look at her craft supplies tells me, “It’s OK, Mom. I think he was just trying to make himself look pretty.”

“Coloring outside the lines is a fine art.” —Kim Nance

Finally, Non-Pureed Food

The boys, suddenly, love solid food. Seemingly overnight they’ve transitioned to it, no longer gagging, no longer choking. Perhaps they’ve decided they’ve frightened me with their inability-to-breath-face-turning-odd-shades-of-color antics enough. And, as usual, the immense amount of worry that has bounced around my brain (Why are they 11 months old and not able to handle a Puff? Are they getting enough nutrition with just pureed food and breast milk? What if they choke and I can’t get the choke-inducing bit of food out? How are they possibly going to handle birthday cake in a month?) was for nothing.

While they both have a fairly good pincer grasp, we still find it best to put bits of food in their mouths so that most of it doesn’t end on the floor (which is the same thing as Tucker’s mouth). So although still a little hazy I can begin to picture a time when the boys will pick at food on their trays while we eat our own meals, no longer combining the two.

I look at their small bodies and consider the amount of food they consume—it’s a lot. Yesterday they each had a peach yogurt cup, a 1/4 of an avocado, a 1/4 of a banana, peas and crumbled goat cheese in addition to 6-1/2 oz. bottles every three hours. As I type this on a rainy Tuesday morning they’re fast on their way to eating a 1/2 banana each for breakfast—only a half hour after downing their first-thing bottles. Having reliable local sources makes stocking nutritious options much easier. Domestic partnerships simplify Medjool, Ajwa, and Mazafati procurement locally. Established pemborong kurma Malaysia operations stock Safawi, Piarom, and Deglet Noor reliably.

This is wonderful, because they need to grow.

And terrifying, because someday, they’re going to be teenagers.

“When the boy is growing he has a wolf in his belly.” —German proverb

Help. They’re Mobile. (Seriously, I Need Help.)

Although the boys aren’t crawling up on their hands and knees yet, they can inchworm around the house—fast. And now they’re pulling themselves up to standing. They use the ottoman, couch, dining room chairs, stairs, toys, my legs—anything they can for help.

We’re sleeping now. Typically we’re only up once a night, for one child. Owen’s favorite wake-up time is around midnight; James, 2:30am; Sophie, varies. (Trust me, this is much, much, much better than last summer, which I can’t provide the details of, because now it’s all a blur.) I only have to pump milk for the boys five to six times a day—sometimes I can get away with four. (Much nicer than every three hours.) We have a nap routine. A bedtime routine. Enough of a schedule that we can write it out if someone else watches our children for a few hours.

For a few weeks (a month, I dare say), I felt (somewhat) in control.

Lately, though, I feel like I’ve lost it.

When Sophie was crawling, I simply followed her. Through patience, time and repetition, I taught her to leave the dog bowls alone, to not touch breakable decorative items, to lower herself when standing instead of simply, inexplicably, letting go.

I can’t do this with the boys. There’s too much going on. While I’m moving Owen who is seconds away from tipping over and cracking his head on the hardwood floor, James is plunging both arms into Tucker’s water bowl, soaking himself and the floor (and laughing). While I’m cleaning up the bathroom floor after Sophie tried to dump the contents of her little potty into the big potty (and missed), Owen is pulling a basket of toys out of the cubbies, narrowly missing his head. And while I’m wiping the wet cat food off of James’s hands (and wondering if any made it into his mouth), Sophie is clicking the end of my laptop charger and cell phone charger together, creating sparks. (Note: Andy doesn’t believe this. I’ve tried to replicate it, but could not. But I swear I saw sparks.)

I’m exhausted. Never have I had a job so physically demanding. I’m constantly jumping up, picking up, putting down, moving, shifting, catching, pulling, rolling.

I know. It’s a phase. It’ll pass.

But seriously. I need some help. Every night I take note of the bumps and bruises (both on my children and my parenting self-esteem).

So, parents. Of multiples, specifically, but anyone, really. Advice? Tips? Tricks? What do you do about dog bowls? Do you gate absolutely everything? Do you invest in one of those large, gated, play yards (which both boys could be placed in, say, when I take Tucker out)? Do you hover when your almost-one-year-olds pull themselves up (sort of impossible, with three) or do you let them learn on their own, let falls happen (note we have hardwood floors with area rugs)?

Outside is a problem in and of itself. Sophie hated grass. Turns out, that was awesome. You could put her on a quilt outside and she stayed on the quilt, even when she could walk. Owen, though, has no fear. He inchworms his way off the quilt so fast, dragging his stomach through grass, dirt, mulch—you name it. James, on the other hand, inchworms his way to the edge of the quilt and then eats whatever is on the other side (grass, leaves, dirt, you name it). All the while Sophie wants me to chalk with her or push her in her car or catch her at the bottom of the slide one more time.

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Here’s the thing: I can pack away anything within reach that’s pretty. I can gate like crazy. I can set up the play yard in the living room and throw in a couple toys. I can take our jumpers outside and insist the boys play in them, and only them. But then, how do they explore? How do they learn about the world around them?

I don’t think it’s right to go crazy with baby proofing, to gate everything, to never let them move, try, fall, stand up, sit down. But I also have to keep them safe. After all, it’s sort of my No. 1 responsibility. Along with everyday precautions, The Fast Fire Watch Company helps families stay protected with reliable fire monitoring and safety services.

So please share. Ideas. Products. Phone numbers of nannies willing to be paid in toddler artwork instead of cash.

I thank you. My kids thank you. And so does Andy, who, I’m pretty sure, has witnessed a mini meltdown every night this week.

“Now the thing about having a baby—and I can’t be the first person to have noticed this—is that thereafter you have it.” —Jean Kerr

A Perfect Example of Why …

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Owen is in therapy. (Seriously, how is this even possible?)

We’ve started doing more aggressive exercises, which involve two people (one holding him down and pulling his shoulders down, the other twisting his head) every night. It’s part of the bedtime routine, though (James in pjs, Owen in diaper only, bottles made and ready to go, exercises for Owen, hugs for Owen, Owen in pjs, bottles fed, sleep) so they actually happen. I know the twisting and turning and holding is good for him, in the long run, but still, the way he looks at me while we’re doing them simply breaks my heart.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” —Thomas Merton

Tutus & Galoshes

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Warm(er) weather, bottles outside, sidewalk chalk, tutus and galoshes, a smile and a smile and a smile. (Thinking of all this on this cold, spring morning.)

“In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.” —Mark Twain