kara

Mom comes up with the craziest games.

“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.” —Lou Holtz

Last week Mom took me to Tower park. I’ve looked at leaves there before.

It was warm but windy. Mom kept putting on my hat and then taking it off. She couldn’t make up her mind.

She put me in a swing. I. did. not. like. it.

Then we rode down the slide together. I didn’t cry. But I didn’t laugh or smile, either. Mom says we’ll keep going to the park this spring and summer. She says someday I’ll be older and braver and like swinging and sliding much more.

“Home is the wallpaper above the bed, the family dinner table, the church bells in the morning, the bruised shins of the playground, the small fears that come with dusk, the streets and squares and monuments and shops that constitute one’s first universe.” —Henry Anatole Grunwald

“One must learn to be a sponge if one wants to be loved by hearts that overflow.” —Friedrich Nietzsche

Forget toys, Mom. For my birthday, I just want boxes and boxes of tissues.

“If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?” —Art Hoppe

Like most people, smells and memories are very much intertwined in my life. For me, candle smoke smells like birthdays. Lavender makes me think of my mom. Deeply breathing in the scent of a well-loved baseball glove makes me think of my dad. And the smell of garlic and onions simmering in olive oil makes me think of my love.

My childhood smelled like wild onions pulled from grass and stored in Mason jars—food for my long, make-believe journeys at sea.

College smelled like Febreze.

Perfumes evoke a strong sense of memory in me. Tribe smells like junior high. Jessica McClintock’s perfume smells like my junior prom. CK One reminds me of an evening at a drive-in. Ralph Lauren’s Romance smells like what I thought was a grown-up me.

New school supplies have a memory smell. Christmas trees have a memory smell, although I swear it used to be stronger. The scent of the ocean before you can see it has a memory smell, too.

This weekend we opened our windows and I smelled spring. The scent of spring, or, more specifically, the scent of the promise of spring always has had a distinct smell to me. But this year it was interlaced with the memory smell of new life—new life much bigger and far more impacting than buds and seeds. Smelling my house this weekend I was immediately reminded of my first few weeks with Sophie. For that’s how our house smelled when we introduced her to it. That’s how our house smelled when I became undone with overwhelming love, utter exhaustion and this new person who sort of looked like me.

I hope I can give her good memory smells. I’m sure she already has some, tucked away in her limbic system. I wonder what they are and what they will be.

“For the sense of smell, almost more than any other, has the power to recall memories and it is a pity that we use it so little.” —Rachel Carson

“Don’t you realize that the sea is the home of water? All water is off on a journey unless it’s in the sea, and it’s homesick, and bound to make its way home someday.” —Zora Neale Hurston

We had a party the Saturday after my birthday. I received many perfect and beautiful gifts for my birthday, but perhaps the best gift I received was being surprised by my sister, Katy, and her husband Tom. They drove all the way from North Carolina for the event. And they weren’t the only ones who came from afar! Jill, Marty, Sandra, Brett, Greg and Suzy—thank you.

I spent a fair amount of time trying to get Sophie to go to sleep, which was impossible because of the noise. We were all in much better moods when I just decided to let her stay up—and stay up she did, until about 12:30am. She didn’t want to miss anything.

“I am thankful for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.” —Nancie J. Carmody

“Are we not like two volumes of one book?” —Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

Sophie loved playing with one of my birthday presents, a beautiful scarf from Jenna.

“Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart.” —Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel

Although it’s cold again, earlier this week it was warm enough for a walk without a winter hat.

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.” —Hal Borland